GUEST BLOG: Where Did I Go? A Crisis of Identity

There are times when you aren’t yourself. Everyone has off days; that’s normal. But what happens when these periods are extended to a longer amount of time? Military spouses often fade into the shadow of their enlisted counterparts, often unwittingly losing themselves in their whole-hearted support of their significant other and the duties of home life. The good news is that we’re past mid-century role definitions: women are no longer defined solely by their husbands’ occupation, and men are free to be either the soldier or the homemaker nowadays. We are at liberty to be our own people while our husbands/wives are out on the front lines. But how?

Get Nostalgic. Whether it’s on your own about a happy time in your life, with your significant other, or with a friend, nostalgia is remarkably healing. You will remember who you used to be, what you liked, and get inspired to renew old connections. I’ve found that Pinterest can provide some great ideas on how to go back as well.

Schedule Phone Calls. Set aside a certain time every week (or whatever works best with your schedule) to sit down and have a quality conversation with a loved one you don’t get to see regularly. Family and friends are therapeutic; utilize their effect on your mood and make talking to your mom, sister, brother, or best friend a regular thing.

Discover or renew your love for hobbies. Remember that thing that you used to do, that you loved? Do it again. Never had that thing? Find one. Make doing something that YOU and only you enjoy a frequency in your routine. You will strengthen your identity and maybe learn or practice, a cool skill or even makesome extra cash!

Make time for you. Perhaps the most cliché piece of advice you can get, and for a reason. This goes hand in hand with the hobbies thing. Maybe you don’t want to do anything; maybe you want to curl up with a glass of wine and a book you’ve been meaning to read.

Go ahead, take that warm bath or a walk on the beach, or go exploring in your city by yourself for an afternoon. We talked about this in our recent Military Spouse Blogger Roundtable about Identity, these things can be simple and sporadic but be sure to find little corners of time just for yourself.

Spend one-on-one time. It’s easier to remember yourself when you’re alone with someone, spending quality time together. Whether it’s with your Significant Other or your kids, everyone can benefit from a little TLC. Your kids and Significant Other are probably experiencing little tinges of identity crises as well, especially if you’ve recently moved. Take care of each other. Like it says, home is where the heart is.

If you don’t have kids… Other Military Spouses are probably jealous of the time you have. Use it by doing some good in the world. Volunteer at a local hospital or school, or maybe an animal shelter. Paying it forward is amazing for the soul, so you can start to heal that way. Even if you do have kids, you can make this a one-on-one activity with them and share the happy feelings.

Or…

Take a class. Is your Significant Other stationed overseas, and you have to cope with culture shock? Take a language class with a native speaker. Use some me-time and explore your new country and town. Or learn how to cook (local cuisine, if it’s applicable), or take an online or university class on an interesting subject you never got around to taking, like anthropology or literature.

Not the only one? If you and your significant other are both experiencing identity crises, try (re)establishing yourselves as a couple. What did you have in common when you first met? Why did you fall in love? Revisit memories and make time to do things together. You will strengthen your bond and commitment to each other.

In this huge world of 7 billion people, everyone is different and unique - including you. You are an individual, with individual struggles, likes, preferences, and experiences. You are what you want to be, so go ahead and keep molding and changing and learning and growing. Oh, and one last parting piece of advice: you are lovely. Remember that.

Adrienne May spends her time with Veterans United Home Loans as the featured author for Military Spouse Central and Military Family Central. Adrienne is a proud military spouse and mother of three. Connect with Adrienne on Google+ or Twitter!