A couple nights ago, I had a really awesome conversation with a few of my Twitter MilSpouse friends. We got on the topic of working a job, outside the job of being married to someone in the military. We all know that's a job in and of itself. For those who don't know, it is NOT the norm to be a military spouse and work a 9-5. It's just not, and if others want to argue with me about it, go ahead. None the less, when a military spouse decides to take a job outside of the home, it's "astonishing." People frown upon it, not everyone, but a lot do. Could it be envy? Maybe? It could just be what some consider breaking with tradition, I really don't know.
For me, a part of me regrets working while M and I were married. During a deployment, yeah but while he was home? I don't know. For the first few months, I did stay at home and it kinda made me stir crazy. Had we not lived so far from post, I would have just decided to volunteer with the FRG or something instead of working. Being that it was a 30 minute drive each way, it just didn't make sense financially to drain money on gas for a volunteer position. Not to mention, most FRG planning and events were obviously after M's workday was over, so that took away my only time with him. Anyway, the job I had as a nanny was a great one. I was blessed with a super understanding family who paid me very generously. The downfall, was working 50+ hours a week. I didn't anticipate M not working long hours, but because he had just returned from a deployment, the first 6 months back were really lax. I've talked about it before and I don't really still carry it with me, but I wish I would have worked LESS. It would have made a difference in my mind. I wouldn't have been as exhausted, cranky, rushed. But, that's neither here nor there because working as much as I did provided us a nice, comfortable lifestyle.
Anyway, I am proud of the women who take a stand and go against the grain. The ones who say "My life is MORE than just my husbands service." I gave up my life in DC where I was utterly happy and completely content. I fought so hard to get there, but willingly and happily gave it up to support my husband. Women who marry into the military make extreme sacrifices, but some go unrealized. If you are married to a service member and he acknowledges your sacrifices and appreciates you for them, be thankful. Count every single blessing you can imagine. I wish like HELL I would have had that in my marriage. It was a major point of contention for us. Sure, their sacrifice of experiencing the hells of war is very different from your sacrifice of putting school on hold, moving away from friends, etc. However, it is a sacrifice and that's all that matters.
I don't think I know one military spouse who goes kicking and screaming into a military marriage. Perhaps they are out there, but for the most part...we all have an idea of what the job entails. Lots and lots of sacrifice and we do it knowingly, because we have an absolute and undying love for our spouse.
I am proud of the women who decide to continue to pursue their educational goals, their career goals, etc. Just because your husband serves, doesn't mean your world stops entirely. Though believe me, it really felt like it at times. I know how it feels to be stationed in the middle of nowhere (don't we all?) and curse the Army for the hell you've been put through. Wondering if it was all really worth it and wishing you could pack up and go back to the life you had before. I get it. It's hard. Your life is somewhat put on pause, BUT...you CAN still set goals, achieve them, and create a new, temporary dream.
So, here's to all my girls who "soldier on" and find a way to make a new dream and accomplish BIG things while they are sidetracked and serving with their husbands :) Don't let the nay-sayers and eye-rollers get you down! Be proud of yourself and if you have the pride and support of your husband, even better!
n