So if any of you have been keeping up for a while, you know I'm *sometimes* a nanny by trade. I've spent 7 years off and on caring for children in their own homes. It's been interesting to say the least. You'll also know from recent posts...I.AM.DONE. I started out at a very young age (14) working in my Church's nursery. I did that for a few years until I could drive on my own and then did after school care for a local Church school. Once I graduated, I taught and then transitioned into being a full time nanny. I've cared for 7 families and each has been an entirely different experience.
My first family lived 5 minutes from my house in the same neighborhood area. I cared for one infant who had a colostomy bag. It was CRAZY. She was as presh as pie and caring for her needs really didn't bother me, but it was a lot. Each day, I'd have to take her bag off, clean the area, apply paste, "glue" the bag to her skin, and ensure it was properly secured. No need for diapers, as I'd have to empty it periodically throughout the day. NOT FUN. When she got older, she had the ability to tug and pull at it. Makes for a not fun mess to walk into in the crib. Once she had surgery to correct it, they put her in daycare. They were a nice family though and I wish they hadn't fallen off the face of the earth. They were having some serious marital problems though, so my prediction is shortly after I left, they divorced and she moved back to MN where she was from.
Next family, interesting. I was responsible for EV-ERY-THING. I'd get there in the AM, bathe toddler, dress infant and toddler, make breakfast for both infant and toddler, pack lunch for toddler, drop toddler off at school, entertain infant, pick toddler up from school, do dishes, do laundry, clean toys, make beds, etc. IT WAS A NIGHTMARE. The dad was a chef so I'd always walk into a MASSIVE MOUNTAIN of dishes in the sink I was expected to do. Oh, and he stayed at home working on his new "business venture." Mom was an ER doctor and worked nights, so she'd be attempting to sleep during the day. Having both parents at home not doing anything was awkward and upsetting. Not to mention, the kids were constantly sick. Try wiping a nose running like a faucet for HOURS every single day while holding a newborn baby. MADDENING. I told them after a few weeks it just wasn't working for me.
The third family, was truly a charm. I still miss working for them. A sweet, energetic, positive, successful family who lived in a charming little town outside Orlando. They had a four year old boy and a sweet baby girl who was around 6/7 months when I started caring for her. They lived in an area where I could pack the kids up, walk to Starbucks, hang out at the pool, go shopping, and stroll on nice days. It was awesome. I really loved them to pieces. Mom got pregnant with baby number three and I was so excited. Unfortunately, little Z man had Trisomy 13 and only lived a couple weeks. You can read their story here. After their loss, it put things in perspective and they didn't really need me anymore.
The next time I was a nanny, was in DC. That family was incredible to me and I am so very sad it ended the way it did. They were very upset I had made the decision to get married and leave them sooner than they expected. Then comes Texas. I had an INCREDIBLE job there with an INCREDIBLE family of doctors. I cared for their newborn baby girl. I was paid very well, I was able to bring Piper with me to work each day, and felt very comfortable. Having to leave M in the manner I did, it was hard. I think I stayed with him as long as I did because of that job. I didn't want to leave them stranded. I've done a bit recently in NC but like I said, I'm done.
It amazes me how uniquely different each families philosophies are. This is one of the hardest parts of being a nanny. I have my own set of "bullet points" on child rearing, based on all the experience I've had over the years. I may not be an "earth mom" myself, but it boggles my mind sometimes how little some of these families know. My mom reminded me that kids don't come with instruction manuals, so some parents have no clue if they weren't raised around other children. Some moms I have nannied for, never babysat or had experience caring for kids. WOW. I can't imagine. The real kicker with me, is that these parents aren't there to raise their children during the day but have an entire handbook or philosophy on how they want them raised, disciplined, etc. Quite frankly, sometimes that just doesn't work. SO frustrating. What people don't realize is that nannies often become the second or third parent. We care for them from sun up to sun down. You're there to kiss them bye for work and there to (maybe) have dinner with them, get them in their PJ's, and put them to bed. We do all the "fun" stuff in the between time.
Here's some of my sticking points:
*Your child is NOT in charge. PERIOD. Think of Caesar Milan's "Pack Leader" mentality. YOU ARE THE PACK LEADER. Your child does not get to boss you around, make demands, or stomp his feet to get his way.
*He'll eat what you put in front of him, unless you give him a way out. A LOT of parents don't realize this. Your child WILL NOT starve. If he won't eat what you put in front of him and throws a fit, it's time out. And again. And again until he gets the clue. If he still won't eat, then he doesn't. PERIOD. You don't give in to little Johnny's demands and make him chicken nuggets, pizza, and macaroni every night.
*If Johnny throws a tantrum in the check out lane for that piece of candy or toy, who cares? YOU DO NOT GIVE IT TO HIM. Yeah, I know. Having a screaming kid in a store is embarrassing and you want to do whatever you can to shut them up. I get it. What you're not realizing is giving in is only going to cause you more problems next time, and the time after that, and more in the future. All those people giving you evil eyes in Target, you'll probably never see them again in your LIFE and they'll soon get over it.
*Having to hide from your child, lock yourself (and other children) in a separate area to prevent harm to yourself and your other children is BS. This is thanks to having an out of control child who has not been properly disciplined and coddled. I've seen it.
*Time out doesn't kill. Crying doesn't kill. Leaving a child to kick and scream on the floor doesn't kill. They'll be fine and eventually get over it. YOU have to maintain your composure and move on to something else. Crank some music, sing really loud, bang pots and pans, whatever you need to do if necessary to drown out the unnecessary crying.
*A time out can be started really anytime after age 2 or depending on the awareness of the child. They should be placed in time out one minute for each year of age. If they get up, put them back, and start the timer all over again. And back. And back. And back. Yep, I've had to do this and it tests your will and patience but TRUST ME, eventually they will sit and be too tired to fight. Ask them what they did to be put in time out (or tell them if very young) and ask for an apology. Give them a hug and send them on their way. Be sure to have a designated "time out chair" with timer near by.
*I always try to give "my kids" a warning or two before putting them in time out. If it's something dangerous or hitting/bitting/scratching, it's IMMEDIATE.
*Yeah. Hitting is NEVER acceptable and should NEVER be tolerated, ignored, laughed about, or scoffed at. Daddy rough housing is not an excuse. Deal with it immediately.
*Lastly, if you're struggling at home and your kids are also in school or daycare, odds are they are misbehaving at school also. Ask the teachers. Work with them for a solution. Ask your children's care givers for their advice. They will be glad to give it to you and probably have some ideas that will help based on their experience.
My most hilarious pet peeve is people who post on Craigslist for 40+ hour a week nannies but can only pay $125. They expect you to be okay with that since they are on hard times and they expect to get excellent, professional care at that price. I'm serious folks. If you haven't seen it, go browse the "Childcare" section of CL in your area. It's sickening. Working parents would LOVE to have a nanny for their child(ren). One on one, specialized, individualized, professional care in their home for their kids. I would also rather be driving a Porsche Cayenne right now as opposed to a Honda Civic. Parents who can't pay a nanny properly (MINIMUM of $10/hr), well their kids belong in daycare. SORRY.
Overall, being a nanny has taught me SO MUCH about parenting and how I wish to raise my children. I wouldn't trade that experience for the world.
