For one, nobody needs to tell me what I SHOULD be doing. Where I SHOULD be right now. What I SHOULD have done. Including me.
I spent 4 hours at my college the other day as I am enrolling back in school to finish my A.S. in January. I ended up in a mental health counselor's office for over an hour crying my eyes out in frustration and exhaustion. This week has been a tough one, for reasons I don't feel like explaining right now. This counselor told me I needed to stop "Shoulding on myself." Pretty interesting concept. Who says I should have my degree by now? Who says I should be making $45,000 a year? Who says I should be over my miscarriage by now? Who makes these rules? Where is the grand book that says I should? Furthermore, nobody else should be shoulding on me either.
I am honestly sick and tired of people not understanding my miscarriage still hurts. Naturally, the people making the ugly comments are people who have never had a miscarriage themselves or been a part of that loss. "Hurry up and get over it why don't you. It's been almost 2 years now. I mean really Shannon?" Excuse me, but losing my baby was the most traumatic thing I have ever experienced both physically and emotionally. Do people understand what it's like to be elated with your pregnancy, feeling your baby is safe inside of you, only to watch your body bleed massively and reject your baby knowing there is absolutely nothing you can do to save it? REALLY? Excuse me for not being over it already.
I will never be over it. I will carry it with me forever. The pain has lessened gradually, but there are still days I cry or wish it would have never happened. If people can't deal with that, they don't need to be a part of my life. Plain and simple. I need people around me who may not fully understand, but who accept, love, and support.
And don't try to tell me how miserable my life would be right now if I had my baby. HOW THE EFF DO YOU KNOW? Would it be desirable to be a single parent? Nope. Do people do it all the time and make it work? Yep. So, don't tell me you know what's best for me.
Thanks.
I'm sorry you are having a rough time. Sending prayers your way!
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you are still struggling with your miscarriage. I feel like people think I am crazy...and I am still in the process of miscarrying.
ReplyDeleteI will also carry it with me forever.
I am shocked at some of the crazy/off the wall things people have said to me as well. I have blogged a bit about it if you are interested in reading.
I agree it is such a hard/sad thing to understand... and if you haven't gone through it, you do not know the pain. Just like with struggling to conceive...people who have not struggled with it cannot know how deeply painful it is.
Hang in there :)
Ironically, some of the worst comments made to me were by people who actually did have miscarriages. Those people can view their own miscarriage however they want to, but that doesn't mean they have to be mean about mine, ya know? I hate that! Everyone's situation is different, as are their reactions, but it seems like it's just never that simple.
ReplyDeleteYou take all the time you need. And if you ever need to vent, you know where to find me.
Sending you hugs and prayers.
You get to choose how long you grieve. Let your heart heal as fast or as slow as it needs to. Don't listen to the haters. xo
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