One Year Ago...

Where was I one year ago?

I was picking my family up at the airport, @ Fort Hood working with my victim advocate while they were installing a hitch on my car, packing all my things while his SGT stood in our TX apartment, threw everything in my Uhaul trailer, and headed across the country. It happened so fast, but it did not come as a surprise. I came here to Charlotte confused, scared, excited, and in shock that it ACTUALLY happened. One year later, on the very same weekend, I'm leaving Charlotte.

I can't say my life has changed tremendously in the past year, but I certainly have.

I remember how I felt before I left. I remember how scared I was. How miserable. How trapped I felt. I knew this wasn't what God wanted for my life, yet wasn't sure getting a divorce was the right thing either. It took one more time, one more incident, and I was done.

I've never gone into how it all went down and probably never will, but any woman who is trapped in a dangerous situation should know...there is ALWAYS a way out. I had no family within 1,000+ miles and not many real close friends I could call on. I was financially strapped due to a few reasons I won't mention, but the Army stepped in and really helped. I encourage any military spouse experiencing domestic violence to go to their Family Advocacy program for assistance. They can help you with rent, food, even a plane ticket to get you out if you need it. There are shelters everywhere and thankfully, I had enough for a hotel and didn't need it, but there are always options to get out. Civilian or military families. There are always options. But in the middle of the night, Piper and I left with the few things I still had packed from visiting my family back home, and we made it. I can't believe I slept that night, but perhaps because I was so exhausted and relieved it was over all at the same time.

The first few days were confusing. Then, I felt relief while also being fearful. I lived in somewhat secrecy where only a handful of people knew where I was really living. I was happy to be in a new place, with new people, and have a new start. I was thankful to my friends Kate & Bryan for giving me a place to land and pick up all of the broken pieces. At the time, I had no idea how ugly things would get, but luckily...eventually it all had an end. That's all that matters.

It's been about 6 months since I've been officially divorced. It will always be a part of me, but it feels less and less important in my life as time goes on. Do I still wish it would have never happened or that things would have turned out differently? Absolutely. I loved my husband. That is why I married him. That period of time "dating" and being married to someone serving our country changed me. For the good and the bad. I now have an instant connection with those in uniform and their families. They can understand what others cannot and vice versa. I'm forever changed and hope to someday use my experiences for the benefit of others. Very few in this country understand or even comprehend what it means to love someone who gives themselves so selflessly for our country. Even less can understand what it means to love someone who returns, but never truly does.

Due to all of this change, my mission in life has changed. I used to be so set in what I wanted to do and now it's all up in the air. I know I want to work with military families in some way. I can't let that experience go. However, the biggest impact and the most opportunity for that would be in DC. We know where I stand with that for the moment. I'll make a decision once the year passes :)

Anyway, I survived. I'm still trucking. I hope to eventually get settled. Somewhere. For now, I'm just happy I've made it this far.

I've gotten so much response from so many people who have been going through a divorce, considering leaving their military spouses, encountering violence, etc. and are so fearful of the future and/or what to do. Like I said before, there is always a way out. There is always a light around the tunnel. It has not been in any means easy for me, nor is it really over yet. There are plenty of times when I wanted to give up. Plenty of times when I had enough. Plenty of times when I thought it would have been easier to just stay. Plenty of times I questioned if I made the right decision. Every now and again, I still wonder...but deep down I know. I did.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me and encouraged me this past year of my life. I can't wait to walk with you through the next year, good times and bad. But let's hope it's nothing but good :)