Ladies and Gents...
I am so happy to share my blog today with Murphy, who blogs over at PTSDlove. I reached out to her about sharing her experiences with loving someone with PTSD. I don't blog in depth anymore about my personal experiences with my now ex husbands PTSD, but it is still there and always will be. It's not just a trauma for them, but for us as well. Please open your heart and listen to her experience. While you're at it, follow her on Twitter @PTSDlove, like her on Facebook, and leave her some love on her blog.
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Do you know what it feels like to love
someone and feel like you’re not loved back? Or to put all of your
effort into a relationship and feel like you’re getting nothing in
return? I do. I love someone with PTSD.
D’s PTSD is combat related. He
served 4 years in the United States Marine Corps and went to Iraq
twice. In my above statements I made sure to use the word feel…and
feelings are not concrete or factual. I know that D loves me and I
know that he puts effort into our relationship; it just doesn’t
always seem to be that way. People with PTSD often times have
trouble expressing emotions. This is something that is very relevant
for D. He often will talk about how he feels nothing at all. Like
he’s void of any and all emotions. This is really difficult do
deal with, especially as a woman. Not to get all cliché on you
guys, but I like having those romantic moments where we tell each
other what we love about the other person and all that mushy stuff.
Well, that doesn’t happen. My brain knows D loves me, but who the
hell listens to their brain all the time? If I listened to my brain
all the time I probably wouldn’t be with D right now. I listen to
my heart. Sure it’s gotten me in some trouble, but I’d say it’s
done a pretty good job getting D and me this far. I know he loves
me, and that is really all that matters.
Some people think I’m crazy for
staying. I don’t think I’m crazy at all. Our relationship isn’t
“typical” by any means; but who cares?! We are happy together,
and that is what should count. I think that many people don’t
understand PTSD, and people are afraid of what they don’t
understand. It is much easier to pass judgments than it is to admit
you don’t know. I am always happy to explain PTSD to ANYBODY that
has questions about it. I would rather explain until I’m blue in
the face than have somebody be rude because they don’t understand.
Dealing with PTSD everyday definitely isn’t easy, but I wouldn't trade
D for anyone else in the world.
I will say this though, some days just
flat out suck. There is no cure for PTSD and there is no magic wand
to make anything even a little bit better. D is diagnosed and is
seeking help through the VA. Left untreated, PTSD is a VERY
dangerous disorder.; dangerous to not only the sufferer, but everyone
surrounding them as well. D being in treatment is one of the many
reasons our relationship is able to work.
I have to say I love this post. This is my husband's and my first deployment as a couple. We met in Iraq in 2005 and became friends. When I returned home, in 2006, though, I pushed everyone away, including him. I didn't want anyone to see me like that. I didn't know what was wrong with me and I was too embarrassed to ask anyone for help. I wasn't a soldier in Iraq, I was a civilian contractor.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't until my college professor intervened and told me that he really thinks I should talk to someone because he saw so much sadness and fear behind my eyes.
Because I had PTSD when I first returned home from Iraq, I am trying to anticipate how visually seeing how I felt through looking at my husband, if that makes any sense.
I wouldn't say I'm "cured" or anything, but talking to a therapist really helped. Talking to someone that didn't judge me for the things I did and saw--I think it saved my life.
I have been dealing with my husband's PTSD for 8 years. It is incredibly tough at times, like you said... you know in your head that he loves you... but sometimes your heart needs to know too. {Does that make sense?} My husband used to be the sweetest guy who didn't care if someone saw his expressions of love. 3 Iraq and 2 Afghanistan deployments changed that. He hardly says "I love you" anymore let alone expresses it any other way. He has been diagnosed but only saw someone for six weeks, I wish he'd go back. Things were much easier when he was in treatment.
ReplyDeleteKudos to you for giving him love. It isn't easy to be involved with someone with PTSD, but loving your partner unconditionally is rare these days! I'm proud of ya!
ReplyDeleteKaitlyn
www.kaitlyngant.com
Bryan and I have both been diagnosed with PTSD. His is combat related, mine isn't. It's so incredibly hard at times.
ReplyDelete