Exhausted Confessions

I've been sitting here searching on Google images trying to find a picture to describe this blog entry. Crying & exhaustion aren't rendering anything suitable. I know, I know. My last blog entry was about how elated I was about Mr. Mystery. I know. What can I say? I'm an emotional basket case right now. 


I have one of the most insanely ridiculously stressful jobs on the planet. Scheduling people for events sounds like a slap on the wrist. You are probably laughing at me. Honestly, you have no idea. I can't even begin to describe how my job functions or why it is so stressful. Just know, I almost threw all my papers at the COO today and told him to go "F@$*" himself today. The sad part is, I really like the guy. He's cool and I have a good business relationship with him. I'd have thrown them at my boss but I've never met her. She works in a totally different state. Truth is, I've never really met any of my bosses. Fun. When I interviewed, he told me that it was the most under-appreciated, yet most crucial job in the entire company. Meh. I don't need respect and appreciation to get the job done. I do however need LOGIC from others in order to survive.


I'm moving. Yep. I have not really announced this to anyone. For a reason. But tonight, I've had some wine and I just don't care anymore. Back to Orlando. The place I've called hell for the past few years. The place I swore I'd never return. Yeah. I'm THAT girl. Believe me, I'm not thrilled about it but I've just had enough of fighting to stay afloat. I hope it's not forever, but it could end up that way. As we speak, I'm drowning in boxes and crap strewn all over the place. I have to wake up @ 7am, pack my 2 door Honda Civic with as many boxes as I can, a nd make 20 bazillion trips across town and back all by myself. Score, the life of a single girl!


I know this is yet another down hill slope in the life of me, something I'm quite familiar with. I don't believe my life will EVER be settled and comfy. I will always have turbulence, though I pray someday I don't. 


I notified my work I'm moving. I prayed and hoped and prayed and hoped they'd let me take my job to Orlando as many of the people in my position can work from home. Somehow, I think they are just planning a way to screw me instead. Awesome. I bust my rear, work more than I should, care more than I should, and get screwed. I'm sending them an email tomorrow telling them I need an answer by Friday. I. AM. SO. DONE.


I need a plan. I need a career. I need permanence. I have never had it. My whole life, I've never had it. Everything is forever changing. 


Now, I am thinking about becoming a paralegal. But alas, even that is a stressful situation. I'm almost finished with my A.S. in Business and if I decide to turn back now, I throw away a LOT of the work I've done over the past 8 years. Yeah. I know. 8 years and I still don't have my degree. Another serious issue for me emotionally and spiritually. It kills me. Paralegal = another FULL YEAR of classes. Spring. Summer. Fall. FML. It's the most sensible option given my circumstances. I do LOVE law and would have LOVED to go to law school had life dealt me different cards. I still am not sure that's where God wants me, but perhaps he'll use it as a tool to get me where I need to be. I need to be helping others, serving others, making an impact somehow.


Lastly, I'm so in love with Romeo. There, I said it. Maybe you can put two and two together and solve the "mystery." ;-) I love that he's been with me half of my life. I love that we have had our falling outs and we piss one another off to no end, but we both love each other like nobody else has. I love that when we kiss, when we touch, it all feels so very right. I love that I feel 19 again when we are together. I love that I can get angry and emotional and he listens, even if he says things that piss me off even more. I love knowing that at the end of the day, he's the one person I can TRULY count on to ALWAYS be there. I love that I am so lucky to have him in my life and to have had him in my life for so long. Not many people can say that. Right now, the only thing I want to do is run to him, cry my eyes out, and go to sleep. That is all. Then, everything would be right in the world...until I had to wake up the next morning and get back to reality. But, those few hours would make it so worth it.


I want to be done.
Like done.
Like really done.
Sooner than later.
I'm so so tired.


Thanks for listening to me ramble. I'm on night two of partaking in vino and tonight, I added chocolate. That means it's REALLY bad because I think chocolate is GROSS. Quite possibly the only estrogen filled woman on the planet who dislikes it. As I was standing in the mile long line of Trader Joe's with my $8 bottle of Pinot Noir after a long workday, a beautiful Dark Chocolate Salted Caramel bar caught my eye. Yum.