Day 30: Write a letter to yourself. Tell EVERYTHING you love about yourself!

Dear Self,

You. Are. Awesome.

You've been through an emotionally draining, crappy year. You left a state that made you happier than you've ever been, took a chance, and got married. You moved to Texas and took on the role of a sacrificial army wife. You got pregnant, which was one of the most short lived, joyous moments of your life. You lost your baby and it completely changed your world. You rode the roller coaster that was your marriage and ended up hopping off because the ride was too dangerous. You did something courageous by taking that leap and refusing to stay in that situation. You're now starting on a new journey towards a new life.

You've had one heck of a year.

You have a new chance in 2011 to make things right and continue the awesomeness that was your life in 2009. You have so much to offer this world, and your time isn't through. God's going to bless you in ways you cannot imagine if you just let Him. Open your heart to the people around you and to those God allows to help you and give you opportunity. Take advantage of this time in your life to renew yourself, focus on healing, and getting to a super awesome place again.

Go get 'em!

Praise for the Military Spouse

This is an AMAZING video that I saw over at The Ramblings of a Marine Wife. This guy has it 100% RIGHT. I LOVE IT! I used to get super annoyed when my friends would complain about not seeing their boyfriends and husbands for days or weeks at a time. Umm...try months!?! GREAT video. A must see!

On the 30th of December, 2009

This is what I was doing...

What the hell happened? Where did it all go wrong? How could my life go from there to where I am now? I spent the 30th of December with my closest friends celebrating the fact M & I were getting married. I went to  bed that night completely ecstatic that I was marrying the man I had always wanted. I was going to wake up and be a wife. Where the HELL did it go wrong? Someone wake me from this nightmare.

Please pray for me over the next few days as I grapple with the fact our one year anniversary is tomorrow and I'm still married, yet not with my husband. I'm pretty sure this is what he intended to do by keeping the divorce papers and not turning them in. I'm not going to let him win and let it ruin my NYE, but it's not going to be the most awesome of days. I'm going to need some major strength and support to get through.

This really sucks.

Praises

Why is it that we have such a hard time letting go and trusting God? I've spent so much of my time the past few months worrying and stressing. It got to the point where I was just wanting to hide in a corner for a few months curled up into a ball. I don't do well with uncertainty. When it comes to success and finance, I must be secure. After going through periods in my life where I was completely strapped, I never ever want to be there again. EVER. It's a terrible place to be. With this economy, it's dangerously scary. Anyway, I'm super thankful for a few things and one of them, I just learned tonight.

The job search here has been absolutely disheartening. The position at the children's boutique was what I was really hoping for and after not hearing from them I presumed all was lost. The owner did email me later to let me know they were postponing hiring until after the new year and that she wanted to meet with me then. I unfortunately, can't really wait around for the CHANCE to be hired. So, that was off the table. Another family I interviewed with were awesome and I felt super great about them, but again didn't hear anything when I was supposed to. I followed up with them and they were in fact still interested, but putting off hiring until after the holidays. They wanted to check with my references and get back to me by Friday with a decision. In the mean time, the family I'm caring for now doing overnights is having issues with their daytime nanny. They wanted to try to work things out with her, but it's just not going to happen. SO...(insert drum roll here)...they've asked me to become their full time, daytime nanny! YAY! I'll keep doing overnights for the next month, but will switch to daytime after that. I'm so blessed. After all of the stress and the need for Xanax, I'm going to be just fine. God took care of me.

If you've been a follower of mine for a while or just have read back to the beginning, you'll know I went through some scary times with abnormal paps. I had to go through two procedures in Texas and needed to follow up with a doctor again after 6 months. So, before I lost my TRICARE I made sure to see an OBGYN in Orlando while I was visiting. I called the office yesterday to find out that my results came back and everything is 100% awesome. Praise God! I was so worried I'd have to undergo additional surgeries and it would further hinder my ability to conceive. I already have enough issues with fertility, I don't need an ounce of anything else. I still have to do one more checkup in another 6 months, but for now...I'm in the clear. 

God always provides. We just have to learn to let go and let Him. One of the hardest things to do.

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself

Wow. This one is another tough one. I've been putting it off all day because I'm not quite sure what to say. It's not that I think I don't need to change anything about myself, it's just trying to pinpoint what. 

I guess I need to work on being true to myself and make better choices in the dating department. I really don't have an answer for this question, but I guess that's one area I could work on. I know I most certainly can't make the same mistake again. As much as I wasn't ever a believer in living together before you're married, I think next time I'm going to have to give that a go. Perhaps I'll stay away from the military guys? Not that they are all bad, but it's too risky. I'll take more time in getting to know someone and be sure to cut things off the second they give me any wrong vibes. I need to trust my inner self to make the right choices.

Such a boring answer, but it's all I've got.

Eat: My Favorite Hometown Restaurant

When I think about my most favorite place to eat back home, it's hands down The Greek Corner. This place is what made me absolutely fall in LOVE with Greek food. When I used to travel with Active, I used to make it a point to always stop by after a trip. I craved their food. On my most recent visit home, I never made it there and I'm so bummed. I've broken tradition :( Here's a little background on this fab-o spot:

Jimmy & Tia Tsafonias, owners of the The Greek Corner, immigrated to the United States from Greece in 1988. Jimmy had been living in the States, when he met Tia on a summer trip back to Greece. They married and moved back as a family determined to live the American Dream.

Both Jimmy & Tia had restaurant experience in their native Greece, so when they put down new roots in Boston, MA, it was natural that their journey would involve several successful restaurant ventures in New England. When they decided they’d like a change of scenery and climate, they packed up and moved, destined to bring authentic Greek Cuisine to Central Florida.

In November, 2005, the Greek Corner Restaurant was born. Within a year, it received the Orlando Weekly’s “Best Greek Restaurant” in their Best of Orlando Awards, making it the favorite Greek restaurant of many citizens of Downtown Orlando. 

Anyway, I've never had a bad experience here or had a bad meal. I always order the same things.

*Tzatziki with Pita

They put a yummy olive in the center of theirs. It's like a cherry on top!

*Greek Fries

Literally, it's like Ore-Ida bagged french fries but topped with browned feta crumbles and oregano. YUM!

*Greek Gyro Platter

Gyro (pronounced year-o) is DE-LISH! This comes with their amazing salad which I can't stop raving about. The dressing is simply to die for and I haven't found a salad like it EVER. I'm huge into feta cheese and this one is COVERED with it.

*Rice Pudding

Just...yum. The perfect amount of cinnamon.

I became such a regular there that I became pals with one of the waiters named Skee. I don't think he's been there for quite some time now, but he was there for a couple years. On one occasion, I brought my mom (I bring EVERYONE I can) and he offered us some shots of Ouzo. YUM! I'm not a licorice person but this stuff was good and it will flat out knock you on your butt if you're not careful.

What's your favorite hometown place to eat?

Doing some venting of my own...

First, I have to explain. The military community is extremely tight knit. It is something civilians just don't understand. Our lives are extremely different and some may think they understand, but they don't. You can never understand it until you live it. Through blogs and tweets, spouses connect with one another in various spots all over the world. I've noticed most of my blog visitors come from places where there is a large military presence (USA, Germany, Korea, etc.). We may never meet one another, but the support we receive from this amazing community stretches farther than you can imagine.

In March of 2010, the military blog world froze and our hearts split into a million pieces when we found out that one of our fellow milbloggers (as they are called) lost her husband in Afghanistan. Cpl Jonathan Porto was a newlywed and a new father. He never got to meet his precious baby girl. These are the stories that make me violently angry. I can't understand it. It makes no sense. It's the stuff civilians don't understand and take for granted. It's not just another name on a list or an interruption to your daily news. This is a life. A plan. It's all gone now. It should have never happened. 


I haven't been keeping up with blogs lately, but popped over to hers last night, left a comment, and went about my business. Tonight, I revisited it again, watched his memorial video, and just became so so angry. I literally wanted to smash my computer as totally psycho as that sounds. I just can't stand that someone this young has to go through such a thing.

Please watch...

Cpl. Jonathan D. Porto - "Bringing Him Home" from DiamondFilms on Vimeo.

Porto Tribute Part II from DiamondFilms on Vimeo.

She was blogging about feeling like some of her friends and those around her were treating her like garbage. That she understood it wasn't easy to be friends with a widow, but some of them were taking things to an extreme. She felt walked out on, ignored, and that many didn't hold their promises to care for her and look out for her. Someone commented on this entry about how they always heard her talk about herself and that she couldn't expect others to "drop what they are doing because you're having a difficult time." EXCUSE ME? Pardon me, but what Mrs. P is going through is NOT just a difficult time. That makes it sound like she lost her job or is failing a class. This woman lost her husband for Pete's sake! Secondly, it's her blog and she can write about whatever the heck she wants to. This SO struck a nerve with me as I had someone come on my blog from "M's" circle of crazies and do the very same thing.

I for one cannot fathom with any ounce of my being how she manages to go on after such a horrendous thing. I give her zillions of credit because I honestly don't know if I could do it. I think even now, with all of the bitterness that is "M" and I, if anything happened to him...I'd be devastated. When you love someone and they go away the pain doesn't stop. Mrs. P's life will be forever changed, forever different. She will never be the same. I'm so angry this had to happen to her and though I don't know her I wish I could do something to fix it.  I admire her for her strength and courage to continue to go on. She has every right in this world to be bitter, angry, and also to express herself however she chooses. Her husband sacrificed his life for this country, for YOU. She and her beautiful baby girl did as well. Everyone else's world might keep spinning but they will be forever changed and forever impacted by this loss.

I am in no way comparing my losses to hers, but I can say this struck a chord with me in regards to my divorce and the loss of my baby. It feels like one big blur to me. Like my friends know about it all, but it was a minor speck in the busy that is their lives. I guess being that I'm not near them doesn't help, but a phone call, email, text, etc every now and then asking me how I'm doing would be nice. Especially if you're going to ask me to do something momentous for you and not give something back in return. I've blogged before about just having the lack of a true best friend. Someone I can call, they'll come over, we'll cry, hug it out, and laugh later over a bottle of wine. That kinda friendship doesn't just come around, it takes time. I pray eventually I find that person. In the mean time, I can understand her feelings and it really sucks to feel that way. I think it hurts even more when you're the type of person to bend over backwards to care for those going through hard times and you don't get the same in return.

Anyway, that's my rant for right now. It takes an awful lot of courage to say what you feel and put it out there for everyone, including complete strangers to view and comment on. It takes a lot of courage to just admit things aren't all sunshine and rainbows either. I pray that someday, somehow Mrs. P & baby girl are able to find peace and be surrounded by true people who want nothing but to love them.

If you want to read about her story, visit her at A Little Pink in a World of Camo.

Finding My Inner Yogi

I've never done yoga in a class before. Honestly, the closest I've ever gotten was doing a kids version on TV with a little girl I was nannying for. So, in the quest to turn over new leaves in my life...I'm going for my first yoga class tomorrow. Yay! There's SO MANY studios in this area but I found one who does your first class free. YAY! I'll keep you guys posted on what I think. If I end up liking it, there is a studio close to where I'm moving that does $5 evening hot yoga classes. Would *LOVE* to try that. What are all of ya'll's experiences with yoga?

30 Days of Truth - Day 28!

Day 28: What would you do if you were pregnant or got someone else pregnant?

Well, thank goodness I don't ever have to worry about the latter. At this moment in time, there is no way that could happen BUT if it did...I truthfully have no idea what I would do. I would hope that I'd be smart enough to not allow it to happen. There are such things as condoms, birth control pills, and just plain not having sex. It would all depend on the father of the child. His attitude toward the pregnancy, if I felt he was really a stand-up guy (hopefully I'm not having sex with anyone who isn't!), and if I felt our relationship was progressing forward. I want to have a child with someone I love who loves me back, preferably my husband and my husband only. I want it to be a joyful occasion, not one where I'm hanging my head in shame for being *randomly* pregnant.

Military Monday Blog Hop!

Welcome welcome! If you're coming here from the Military Monday Blog Hop it's nice to have you! If you're one of my already awesome readers and stumbling across this, be sure to take part. You do not have to be a military spouse, sibling, parent, etc. to take part. Just enter your blog information below, follow me, and I'll follow back! :) Don't forget to click the Military Monday Blog Hop image above so you can follow the original creators of the blog hop too. Happy Military Monday!

LIVE: "The Holiday"

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible, and how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you, and it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong, or how you could have misunderstood, and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new, and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again, and little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

Welcome New Followers!

Just want to take a quick second to welcome my new followers! Over the past week I've gotten about five new people to jump on board and take an interest in my life. LOL. Welcome!

You'll find me blogging about the New Year and all of the opportunity that awaits, the ending of my marriage to a US Army Soldier, the loss of my first child through miscarriage, the relationship I have with Jesus, my friends, my family, recipes, my dog Piper Annabelle, and so much more.

I'm looking forward to following you all too! If I haven't followed you back yet, I will!

XOXO

Days of Truth {{24, 25, 26, & 27}}

Day 24: Make a playlist of songs for someone and explain why you chose them

After lots of consideration, I decided to make my playlist for Jayden. These songs represent the pain of losing my child and the songs I had hoped to sing them one day. Here goes...

Daddy loved this song <3

I used to listen to this song all the time at night when it would play on the Delilah show :)

I learned this entire song in sign language in middle school. I don't remember much of it anymore.

This song carries me.

Day 25: The reason you believe you're still alive today

I'm still alive today because God has a plan for my life. Plain and simple. He put me on this earth for a reason. I believe I'm here to learn and to teach. I have been feeling called for a very long time to serve overseas and do mission work, but have never been able to. I pray 2011 brings me the ability to do that. I think I'm here because there is much more to my story that hasn't been written. I want to find a loving husband, be a wife again, be a mom, and help people. My time is not through.

Day 26: Have you ever though about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

There was definitely a time in my life when I was so down, I thought the only option was to be gone forever. Oddly enough, it was around the time a high school classmate committed suicide. It wasn't his actions that made me want to kill myself, but a build up of what I thought at the time was too much pain. I was 15 and looking back, I have NO CLUE what it was that I thought was so terrible. Isn't that sad? I can imagine many people who actually did end their lives would look back now and think it was totally not worth it. Anyway, I  have never shared this with anyone before...ever...but I will. Whatever it was that was compounding within me really hit a breaking point one afternoon. I had thought about how I would do it. When I would do it and what would happen afterwards. I even went as far as to list who I wanted to carry my casket and what songs I wanted played. I wrote short paragraphs to all my friends, everyone I could think of. I still have that journal and it amazes me looking back how immature I was. I laid in my bed one afternoon (I think I had skipped school) and decided it was probably the time. I was crying hysterically and just laid there thinking my life was worthless and I wanted the pain to just end. All of a sudden, I felt arms around me. I know this sounds weird. I felt like someone was hugging me every so tightly but gently. I'll never forget it. I froze right then and there. It was almost as if I had turned around, someone would be laying next to me. It was THAT REAL. To me, it was Chris...the classmate who died. We had class together that year and though I didn't know him as well as most, we really spent a lot of time hanging out in our Bio class. For some reason, I have blocked out the last thing he said to me. I vowed after it happened that I would NEVER forget and I did. It kills me I don't remember but one of the last memories I have was him returning after a short stint in the hospital. We would later find out this was a suicide attempt that obviously didn't work. He had come to sit with me at our lab table and we were catching up on things while he was gone. He said he had made a joke about missing my hugs or something like that and basically asked me for one. I gladly obliged. It's so foggy but I vaguely remember the last things we said to one another to be revolving around remembering him and the hugs or something. I honestly don't know. But, none the less...I firmly believe that hug came from Chris as a lifesaver to me. Letting me know it just wasn't worth it.

"M" was a really close friend of Chris'. REALLY close. When we started dating and ultimately decided to get married, I really felt it was Chris pushing us together. I stood and prayed over his grave many years ago to find me the right man. Perhaps that's what he was trying to do. Oddly enough, the 9 year anniversary of his death coincided with our first reunion. M's flight arrived to Dulles airport on September 27th, 2009 and that's when we shared our first kiss. I wish it would have worked out bc to see the parallelism there is astounding to me.

Anyway, yes. I have thought about ending my life before. I have since learned NOTHING is worth ending your life. NOTHING. It gets heavy. You feel alone. You feel like nothing will ever get better. But it will and it does. I promise!

Day 27: What's the best thing going for you right now?

I'm not really sure how to handle this one. My life is in a constant state of transition. I'm in limbo. I can't exhale just yet. I'm waiting. I'm about to move into a home and finally have a place to set my things. The only problem is, I know the state I'm currently living in doesn't really feel like home to me. I'm going through the motions. Perhaps that will change once I meet more people and get back on my feet. We'll see. I guess the best thing going is the fact that I'm free. I am starting to get my life back. I can get back to doing what I've always wanted to do. I can be selfish and take care of me.

Tony Porter ~ A Call to Men

LOVE: Thoughts on Tim Tebow

If you know me, you know my obsession with the Florida Gators and my love for Tim Tebow. I've been razzed on that so many times. But in all honesty, what's not to love about this guy? Nothing bothers me more than when people can't just be honest. This kid is awesome. Let's break it down...

First, he was raised by a loving, Christian family. The Tebow family does so much good for so many people. Tim's father Bob has a foundation called the "Bob Tebow Evangelistic Association." Their mission is to spread the love of Jesus Christ to orphans through the Philippines. This, in fact, is where Tim himself was born. Both his mother and his father are missionaries. Anyone who does that sort of work should be praised. They obviously raised their son (and the rest of their children) right.

Let's face it...it's not COOL to be Christian. When you're a professional athlete the cool thing to do is be spotted in LA with a playmate, ride off in your Maserati, and hit up all the popular clubs in Vegas. If Tim wanted to do this, he could at any moment. Instead, because of the fantastic way his family has taught him, he chooses the high road. What other college football player do you know who has sported the words of Jesus on game day? None. Did you know each time Tim would take the field, that particular days verse would be a trending search on Google? The nay sayers can say what they will, but Tim's ability to reach others is epic. It's refreshing to see a professional athlete who is positive and encouraging. Tim is a FANTASTIC leader.

Is Tim free from sin? Certainly not. Nobody is. Nobody is trying to say this kid is a savior or Jesus reincarnate, but he's an outstanding role model and seems to be a genuine person. This is why I like him so much. I obviously wouldn't love him as much if I weren't a Gator fan, but I'm so glad he chose University of Florida to be his team. I'm sad I never got to see him play for them.

The haters drive me insane. Most of the hate comes from men (go figure!) and people who just can't be real. Regardless of your team, you should be able to say he's an outstanding individual.

I absolutely LOVE that he's starting for the Denver Broncos now. I even didn't think that was going to happen this year. People said he wouldn't get drafted first round and he did. People said he wouldn't play this year and he has. People said he wouldn't start and he has. Amazing. I truly believe all of this is a gift that's been given to Tim through God and I'm thankful he uses his platform to encourage others.

Although it sounds crazy, Tim possesses the qualities I admire in a man and hope to find in someone eventually. I'm NOT SAYING I want to marry him! That would be going a little bit too far on the fan spectrum. But, being a solid leader is something many men wish they had but few possess. It's something that is crucial to me. The ability to spiritually lead your wife and your children is the key to marital success in my book. I can't wait to see what Tim's future holds!

GB²

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Days of Truth {{20, 21, 22, & 23}}

The goal for the 30 Days of Truth was to have it complete in time for the new year. In order for me to accomplish that task, I'll have to combine many days into one post. The new year is only 5 days away!

Day 20: Your Views on Drugs & Alcohol

Drugs are gross. They are sad. They destroy lives. There's nothing cool about smoking, sniffing, huffing, or injecting. NOTHING. I have friends that smoke marijuana and while I don't chastise them for doing it, I just don't see the appeal. I think it makes you look super lazy, super stupid, and yeah....just plain stupid. "M" loved the show Intervention and recently I started watching it again. It just sickens me and saddens me all of the hurt this stuff causes people. I know it had a personal affect on him and I've seen mutual friends of ours get destroyed by it too. 

Alcohol, everything in moderation. I love to drink. I'm not a drunk, but I mean I throughly enjoy a good glass of wine or an occasional Jack. Not to mention beer during football season or for summer BBQ's. I enjoy alcohol, but I'm also well past the legal age and know when to stop. Some people don't. Sure, I've drank too much and done stupid things back in the day but at almost 26...you really should be over that phase by now. I think it's also really sad when people literally waste themselves away. It's not cool. Really it isn't.

Day 21: Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Wow. This has to be one of THE LAMEST prompt ever. Regardless of the circumstances or how long ago the fight was, I'd reach out to them or their family and find out if there is anything I can do. What the heck else am I supposed to say?

Day 22: Something you wish you hadn't done in your life

Had sex. Ever. It would be nice to save that for the right person.

Gotten married.

Dated someone I shouldn't have.

Drank too much and woke up with regrets.

Anything else!?!

Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life

Umm...well seeing that I don't believe my life is over, there is lots I still can do. I guess I can say I wish I took school more seriously all those years ago and finished at 22 like any normal person does. I wish I would have been able to go to University of Florida and live the life of a college girl for a while away from home.

Songs In My Ears

I make no apologies for living for music. As the year winds down, I tend to reflect back on things with music. After all, it sets the stage for a lot of things right? Anyway, I'll probably comprise a 2010 list, but for now...here's a few I can't get out of my head.

Day 19: Your views on religion and/or politics

I believe in Jesus. Obviously. I was raised Lutheran but chose to become Baptist when I was 19. More specifically Southern Baptist, though I don't adopt every single belief they have. Like the no dancing stuff..nah. Anyway, I went to Christian school most my life so I was raised around religion. I was just talking to a friend last night about how studying various world religions was mandatory. I'm grateful for that as it's made me more tolerant of individual views.

I'm a proud member of the Grand 'Ole Party. Even more specific, I'm a conservative. I'm super active within the political world, though I try to keep it out of my blog. It's something I'm passionate about but find a lot of people associate friendship with political beliefs. It's sad. People should be able to express their political differences and do it with decency and not let it interfere with relationships. I once considered switching my major to Political Science and going that route, but when I thought about how much lying is required to be in politics...I decided against it. I also think that unless you are well versed on what you're talking about, you shouldn't open your mouth. I can't explain how many times I've encountered people trying to talk politics with me but they have no clue what they are talking about. They haven't done all of their research and come up with super lame things to say as opposed to facts. A smart person who wants to talk politics investigates both sides of the spectrum. That way you're prepared and educated on all issues. If you're going to resort to personal attacks, you have no place in political rhetoric.

Merry Christmas!

Piper enjoying all of her new goodies :)

I love my Denver Broncos hat!

Dad opening his present

I put together an AMAZING Miami Dolphins shadowbox full of autographs from players past and present.

My dog Max opening his stocking!

I hope everyone is enjoying their day :)

So Thankful...

God's got a serious grip on my heart this Christmas. When everyone has been asking me what I was doing this year and I respond that it's just Piper & I, they seem to feel sorry for me. I always explain that I'm actually looking forward to the peace and serenity this year. The calm. How many times in my life is this actually going to happen where I get time to just be with myself?

The song "Hello World" by Lady Antebellum is one I love but is so hard for me to listen to. It's about a husband who is caught up in the game of life. In the end, he comes home to his wife and kids and sees his whole world. The reason he's alive and what makes life worth living. It's an incredible song. How I wish I had that in my life. I know God will give it to me someday and it will be amazing. The way it always should have been. I truly cannot wait for that. I'm so glad my heart isn't hardened. I'm so thankful I have my faith in Jesus. I know He wants amazing things for me and has so much He wants to do yet with my life. It's super exciting. Instead of feeling sad, down, and depressed that things haven't turned out as I had hoped, I look to the future that I know is lying ahead of me.

I can't wait.

I'm so thankful and even in these hardships I'm facing, I rejoice. I'm thankful God has provided me with a roof over my head. I'm thankful He's enabled me to be able to put food on my table. I'm glad He's cared for me. As much as at times I hate to admit it (and may never again), I'm thankful He brought "M" into my life...if for nothing else than to make me realize what I deserve. To enable me to appreciate the right, deserving person when he comes along. I'm thankful for it all.

This is precisely why I wanted to be "alone" this Christmas. Not many people can understand it, but I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do for me. I feel so peaceful right now. I love it.

Please take a minute to listen to this song and watch this music video. I hope it touches your heart as much as it has touched mine.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from Piper Annabelle

Mountain Mama

So the other day I mentioned I spent some time with friends in the mountains. I'm so bummed we didn't get a picture together before I left. UGH! Oh, well. I'm sure we will next time. Anyway, here are a couple of the snapshots I took while there :)

Look at this sweet boy! Doesn't get any cuter :)

The gorgeous neighborhood. Surrounded by the mountains and an amazing golf course.

The view on the way down a mountain heading back home. BREATHTAKING. The picture doesn't do it ANY justice.

Married Forever?!?

Well folks, it's starting to look like I'll be married forever.

Well, not really. I spoke to an attorney while I was in Orlando about my rights and things I could do if this continued to drag on. If he decides to keep this going until he's out of the military, then things will change dramatically and there are things I can do to get this over with. The dumbest thing I ever did was allow him to be the petitioner. WTF WAS I THINKING!?! However, even if I was...he would have never signed the papers. I'm sure he still hasn't. This man thinks I'm so evil and he hates me yet he doesn't want to divorce me? The Bell County courthouse is 9.8 miles from our front door and he's had the chance to turn them in for ONE MONTH now. He doesn't work, because he's being med boarded so he sits around all day. Doing what!?! I've checked with Bell County (I do so daily) and JAG on Fort Hood and not a thing has been done since 9/22 when I left and he turned in our initial paperwork. 

This is the stuff that makes me hate him. The stuff that makes me realize how sick he is and how he has this INSANE desire to need to CONTROL and MANIPULATE me and situations. I'm thankful for it though, because this is all a daily reminder of why I left him and no longer could be married to him anymore.

I'm sure he's doing it to spite me. The sad thing is he's only screwing himself. I'll be contacting his batallion commander once the holidays pass (Thanks Bethany for locating his cell in the AKO system!) since I can't get anywhere with his SGT. I'm not wasting time going through the chain of command. I'll go straight to the top. He's going to thoroughly enjoy sending me a check for $1400. Two months of spousal support since we are still legally married. 

Thanks Santa Clause! <3

Just Sayin: Friends

When you marry someone, you marry their friends too. I knew this and yet I didn't listen.

I choose to surround myself with people who are progressing, not digressing. People who have left the halls of Winter Park High and moved onto bigger and better things. I always had concerns in the back of my mind about marrying "M" because I didn't care for any of his friends. Typical immature BS that they should have grown out of 10 years ago. I thought that since he had entered the military and started taking on a different life and lived a zillion miles away from them, it wouldn't matter. Wrong. You can tell a lot about someone by the people they surround themselves with. I'll remember this next time.

The ONE and ONLY exception to this rule, is if your husband (or wife) is responsible, mature, and dedicated enough to walk away from those who are living their lives on the edge. The ones who could cause destruction in your marriage. And this means COMPLETELY. It's not something you should have to ask them to do, they should just do it knowing their lives have now taken a different direction. If none of their friends are married yet, I'd raise a red flag.

Just sayin...