Keep Calm...

I've always thought these posters were super cute, now I'm thinking it needs to be my motto. I'm NOT a fan of tattoos...on me, (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE WITH THEM!) but I'm seriously considering getting this crown somewhere on my body. But, then again...in the future it just might remind me of the atrocious divorce I'm going through. What do you all think? And as a disclaimer to my tatted friends...I think Kat Von D is seriously hot. She's gorge!

Anyway, I have lots of exciting things coming up. I landed a teeny promo this weekend, doesn't pay much at all but it's better than zilch. A friend of mine who owns a marketing company hooked me up with an *AMAZING* gig for a non-profit that lasts two weeks for the first wave. Might be more once all is said and done. And another friend of mine is working on hooking me up with another big gig. Life is good in the work department. For those of you not familiar, I did promotions and marketing for several years. The people who hand out samples, do alcohol tastings, or assist with branded events...that was me. It was one of the most awesome things I did. The money was fabulous, the people were awesome, and 95% of the time it was a completely drama-free, laid back environment. I event toured for 9 months with the LPGA doing stuff for Choice Hotels. I went all over the country and got paid for it. How freaking cool is that? I'd love to tour again, but with Piper...I'm not sure how that would work out. Anyway, I realize one of these days I'll have to grow up and get a big girl job, but this is SUCH a good way to make your own hours and make great money.

My mom is planning a trip in a few weeks to visit and explore. That should be fun. She'll finally be able to meet Piper too :)

School is going. Not quickly, but going. I've been so distracted with all of this garbage but my professors have been awesome and I'm getting re-focused. 

I'm trying to remind myself that even the worst case scenario (well, the sorta worst case) everything will be fine. Keep calm and carry on right?

{{**THANK YOU**}}

Just want to give a HUGE thank you to everyone who has shown their support recently.

This is why I love social media. Some people find it strange or kooky, but there is something to be said about giving and receiving support from people you might never meet.

I've gotten tweets, direct messages, comments, etc from some of you who are giving me the extra boost I need to keep moving forward. I really appreciate all of the love.

Thanks for putting up with me during the rough times. It's been a roller coaster that's for sure and it's incredible to see how much has happened within the past year.

Here's to hoping 2011 is my year!

Piper's 1st Dog Park Day!

Isn't she presh!?! I love her to death.

She drives me nuts sometimes but I don't know what I would do without her.

There are TONS of dog parks in our area and I decided to get out a bit today and take her. This was her first time. We got to see a few dogs but they were on their way out. I think she's more interested in people :(

Impossible ~ LOVE LOVE LOVE this song!

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take

Caution when it comes to love

I did, I did

And you were strong and I was not

My illusion, my mistake

I was careless, I forgot

I did

And now when all is done

There is nothing to say

You have gone and so effortlessly

You have won

You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the roof top

Write it on the sky love

All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would be

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Falling out of love is hard

Falling for betrayal is worst

Broken trust and broken hearts

I know, I know

Thinking all you need is there

Building faith on love is worst

Empty promises will wear

I know (i know)

And know when all is gone

There is nothing to say

And if you're done with embarrassing me

On your own you can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the roof top

Write it on the sky love

All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would be

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Ooh impossible (yeah yeah)

I remember years ago

Someone told me I should take

Caution when it comes to love

I did

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the roof top

Write it on the sky love

All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy (i was happy)

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would be

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

I remember years ago

Someone told me I should take

Caution when it comes to love

I did

Reality

It's starting to set in. It's just Piper & I. I'm trying to take things day by day but now that I'm "settled" it's a little unsettling. One day, I'll have to explain to people I date that I was once married. One day if I do get married again, I'll have to explain it to their family. If I ever have children, I'll have to explain it to them also. It's so overwhelming and really upsetting. I wish there was some way for him to be the person he once was, but the possibility of what "could be" isn't worth the reality of what is.

I remind myself of how marriage is really supposed to be. People have said the first year is the hardest and people have also said the first year is supposed to be the happiest. I'm sure it's a mix of both. In my first "year" there was hardly anything I could be happy about. In the very least, I can say it wasn't what I had expected of my marriage. I had to give up SO much, which people warned me was a red flag. I chocked it up being part of the military life. So many military spouses don't get to have traditional relationships, weddings, etc. I figured I was taking one for the team by giving up everything. It was what I was supposed to do right? I remind myself that IF there is ever a next time, I can honestly say I've never been proposed to, never had the ring of my dreams (or any semblance of it), never had engagement parties, bridal showers, wore a big white dress, had a REAL ceremony and reception, honeymoon, etc. One day if I find the person I'm meant to be with, everything will be brand new.

I could sit here and kick myself in the ass over and over and over again and continue to beat myself up...but I won't. I can't. There's no sense in crying about what happened yesterday. Soon enough I'll have a "semi" clean slate and can start over again. I think I fear that the "good ones" won't want to be with someone who was already married. I'm sure that's not the case, or at least people will SAY that's not true...but I do worry. I don't want to sound like I'm concerned with my dating life right now, because I'm not. I'm focusing on healing ME, getting back to the person I once was, and finishing school. But, I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about it. I hope I don't end up an old maid. HAHA.

Regardless, I have to give it up, let it go, and let God. I struggled with that for many years in my life and eventually found that place and felt better about it. God has a plan for me, though I don't know it. Perhaps I'll be able to serve and do missions now since I'm not restricted with "wifely" duties. I'm excited that now I can do a lot of things I wasn't able to do before. Next time around, I have to be 100% sure the person I'm with really, truly enjoys doing the same things I do. That makes all the difference.

Piper Annabelle :)

Passed out on the couch after a long, fun day

Daddy might have gotten rid of all my things but Mommy found me a new outfit at Petco!

Southern Football

Planning for the college football season in the South is radically different than up North.

For those who are planning a football trip South, here are some helpful hints.

Women’s Accessories:

NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.

SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon.

Stadium Size:  

NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people. 

Fathers:

NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.

SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference, false start, blitz, i.e.

Campus Decor:

NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.

SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen: 

NORTH: Also a physics major

SOUTH: Also Miss America .

Heroes:

NORTH: Rudy Giuliani

SOUTH: Herschel Walker, Peyton Manning, & Tim Tebow!

Getting Tickets:

NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus.

SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus, make a large financial contribution, and put name on a waiting list for tickets.

Parking: 

NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.

SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday. Go Gators!

Game Day: 

NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV

SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting `Game Day Live’ to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why ‘Game Day Live’ is never Broadcast from their campus.

Tailgating:

NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.

SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance from the Dave Matthews Band… who comes over during breaks and asks for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium: 

NORTH: You ask ‘Where’s the stadium?’ When you find it, you walk right in.

SOUTH: When you’re near it, you’ll hear it. On game day it is the state’s third largest city.

Concessions:

NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.

SOUTH : Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team’s mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

When National Anthem is Played:

NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.

SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

The Smell in the Air after the First Score:

NORTH: Nothing changes.

SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

Commentary (Male):

 NORTH: ‘Nice play.’

SOUTH: ‘Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs.’

Commentary (Female):

 NORTH: ‘My, this certainly is a violent sport. ‘

SOUTH: ‘Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs.’

Announcers:

NORTH: Neutral and paid.

SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game:

NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.

SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week’s game.

Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories of Southern football!

Life is good!

Ahhhh. Life is good.

I'm catching up on school and trying to get my sleep back. Thankfully, most of my professors seem to be more than willing to help me with the exams and assignments I missed. Having to drop classes or fail them because of zeros would just add salt to the wound.

Piper and I went to PetCo today to get her replacement toys for all the ones he trashed. I can't replace every outfit I had because some of them were very unique but my dress lady is sending me a bunch more, which is so kind of her. I ordered bows as well and those went MIA so my bow lady is sending new ones as well. Thankful I am. I did snag her a new Princess hoodie which is freaking adorable. She's passed out on the couch now with it on and her matching bow from the groomer. When I came home with all of her toys and spread them all over the floor, she SPAZZED! She sat and played forever and it put a huge smile on my face. She has no idea that anything bad has happened and now that we are in a peaceful situation, she is so relaxed. 

Tonight, I made some yummy pasta with fresh veggies and sat on the back patio and watched the Gator game on my computer with Piper. GO GATORS! Looks like we are going to stomp Kentucky. It's so nice to be where I am. The weather is beautiful and I can't wait for Autumn to really start rolling in. I'm determined to get back to my normal weight and get back in shape and this weather is going to be amazing for that. 

I think it's really interesting when you go through stuff like this you find out who your friends are. I haven't lost any, but what I mean is that people you don't think are in your inner circle come out of the wood works to help you and show their concern. It's really sweet and encouraging to know you have so many people behind you, not passing judgement. Just loving you and caring for you. I'm so thankful for that.

Temporary Home :)

I was never a huge fan of that song, though I love Carrie Underwood, but as I was getting settled into my new home here it struck a little chord. For those of you curious as to where I am, I won't be saying. I haven't lived in this state before which is exciting. The area I'm in is fabulous and has so many shops, stores, etc. all within walking distance. FANTASTIC news for me since I really need to start being able to work out and shred some of these extra pounds I've put on :( Little Miss Piper and I can get out and get on a walking routine.

I know I haven't updated everyone on the weekends events when I went home for my dads wedding. I will...one of these days.

For now, I'm happy and beginning the climb out of the whole. Peace is awesome. To no longer walk into a toxic war zone is amazing.

Safe

I'm safe. I don't want to say too much right now, but all that matters is I got to a safe spot and I should be leaving Texas within the coming days and making a new temporary home in my "landing spot" by weeks end.

One great thing I can say about the Army is they offer assistance in situations such as these. I know I have some MIL spouses who read my blog, so if you ever find yourself in a dangerous or scary situation...know that there is help for you on post 24/7. Every Army base (I can't speak for other branches) has a crisis hotline that is manned 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. MEMORIZE that phone number. Slip it in your cars glove box. If you need to get to a shelter or need someone to help you think clearly, they can help you. Most importantly, if anything ever occurs whether it be physical violence, emotional abuse, etc. be sure to report it to Family Advocacy. Once things are documented  it helps ensure your safety in the future and that things are properly taken care of. If an incident of violence did occur, they have to notify Victim Advocacy who will assign you a victim advocate. This person acts as your liaison throughout the whole process. You have their number to call at anytime and they can do so much from being there with you during court hearings to helping you file paperwork for support, etc. They also communicate with your spouses command, in case you don't feel comfortable doing so. Most importantly, they help you come up with a safety plan in case you ever need to get out in a pinch. Never feel like you are alone and there is no help for you. The military can be a total pain in the ass sometimes, but there is always a way.

In other completely random news, I got bitten by an ant and it feels like someone dropped a sledgehammer on my toe. Does anyone else ever get severely allergic or have crazy reactions to ant bites? YOWCH!

Thanks for all the prayers and support. Right now, I'm more worried about being able to take my financial accounting exam tomorrow than anything. Sigh.

Thoughts in the Airport...

Take a deep breath. Wow. I have so much to say since I spent this weekend at home. What a weekend it's been. Highs and lows. I'm exhausted. I hadn't got much sleep since Michael went to the hospital. It was weird not having him there and being yanked like he was. Totally not prepared for that and obviously worried. Anyway, I'm sitting in the airport reflecting on a great church service. One of the only reasons I was sad to leave Orlando, was my incredible Church. It's a Church like none other, which makes it so hard to connect with another Church anywhere else. Anyway, with everything going on, I felt strongly lead to seek counsel after service. My Church offers that after every service...to meet with a counselor in a private room off of the main worship center. So, God connected me with an incredible woman who was in a similar situation as me several years ago. I'll delve more into that later. I just wanted to quickly write that I'm thankful for my Jesus. I'm not a perfect person, nor do I claim to be, and being saved doesn't make me perfect but it sure does make me forgiven. It makes me feel a peace that even in the midst of chaos, I have Him. He's the one who will never leave me, nor forsake me. No matter how bad the situation is, it just doesn't matter.

Thankful I am.

I'm Home

I made it. I'm "home."

It's so strange to me to still call Orlando home, because when I was in DC...that was home. 

None the less, I made it and it's bittersweet.

Sarah McLachlan always does it to me. I realize just how little I've spent listening to music since I moved to TX. I have no idea why, but it's one of my most favorite things. I turned my iPod on after my layover in Dallas and got to reminisce. Every song has some sort of memory attached to it. Some good, some bad. I spent the last hour of my flight home in tears. At first, trying to wipe them away so nobody would think I was a freak, but eventually I just didn't care anymore. I don't think I've cried like that in a very long time.

I keep reminding myself that God has a plan. I have to trust Him. COMPLETELY. I cannot worry about where I'll be living a few weeks from now, how I will eat, how I'll pay my car payments, or whether or not I'll find a job. I just can't. It's completely out of my hands and all in His. I can do nothing but pray and give myself to His mercy. All things are possible through Him, and my situation is no different. That's the only thing that is going to get me through all of this.

I have to learn to grieve. I used to be very comfortable with that, after losing many important people in my life at various points in my life. For some reason, when I lost the baby...I tried. I tried so hard to grieve that loss and just couldn't. I thought I had put it behind me. I thought I had accepted that it wasn't good timing for him and I and that this was God's way of protecting us and looking out for us. While I still believe that's true, I'm not quite sure how to move past that. Now, I have to grieve the loss of a marriage. Something that was supposed to be forever. Obviously, at one time I wanted to grow old with this man, have children with him, and all of the stuff in between. I have so much healing to do, and although I started counseling as soon as I moved in with him in February...I'm learning I have a lot more to do than I thought.

It would be so easy to stay. It would be so easy to keep doing what I'm doing. I know it's not right. Sometimes the hardest thing we do in life end up being the best. I want Michael to find happiness in his life and it's not going to be while we are together. I want to be happy again and it won't be while we are married. I hate that. I despise it. I wish it weren't true. I wake up every morning now thinking I'm living a dream...or a nightmare. That I might just be able to rewind the tape and start over again or to erase this from my life. That movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind has always been something I loved. There were many points in my life where I wished I had that machine. But you know what...I survived without erasing the past but moving forward and accepting it. I know one day I'll be okay.

Heavy Load

I'm nervous. I'm leaving for Orlando today to go home for my dad's wedding. Leaving Michael alone is scaring me. Regardless of the disaster zone that is our home 80% of the time, I still love him and care for him deeply. I'd love to be able to care for him, protect him, and be there for him...but that's not longer a realistic option. We've spent a lot of time talking the past two days...or attempting to in between the peak emotional periods. I just don't have the best of feelings right now. I know there is nothing I can do about it but pray and express my concern to people who are there and can check in on him. It's a hopeless feeling. Perhaps I'm over-reacting or overly paranoid based on situations in my past. I'd rather be one step ahead and risk looking ridiculous than wish I would have said something. I'm sure everything will be fine, it's just this unsettling feeling I can't stand.

It's also so hard, in any breakup situation, when you hurt and the one person you want to go to for comfort...you can't. We talked about that last night. That part really sucks. I'm so ready for this nightmare to be over.

Oh Eminem...

I know it's kinda dramz/ghetto, but for some reason I heart Eminem. I always have. SO out of character for me. I used to have some weird twisted crush on him back in the day. Like full on poster on my wall with him shirtless. I'm sure my mom had a heart attack when I bought that. Anyway, I absolutely loved this song when it first came out and then it came on today after not hearing it for a while and I JAMMMMED. This is my new anthem :)

The Beach!

The beach. One of the most amazing places on the planet.

I can't wait to be there.

It's been FOREVER since I set food on the sand. Like over a year. For a Florida girl like me, it's a travesty.

One of my best girl friends and I are going to the beach Saturday to hang out, get a bit of sun, and then go to my dad's wedding. I'm eager to do what needs to be done, get my errands out of the way, and relax with good people. This trip will help me clear my head and formulate my plans. It's become apparent that there is nothing more I can do for this situation. Things are never going to change and I'm tired of watching the people around me hurting FOR ME because of this situation. I have so many good people in my life, all over the country, who have offered me house and home. That's such a blessing to me. I never take that for granted. It's taken everything in me to not pack up and go, but I have obligations here. You work hard in life and hope that you meet good people along the way, and that's something I definitely have done. Sometimes the friends you have your entire life aren't even the ones that you are closest with. It could be someone you just met or have only known for a short while. I think back to all the awesome people I met while I was on tour and while I was doing promotions. Every single one of them I'm still in contact with has reached out to me and offered me a place to land. That's amazing. People I've known for just a couple years. People I don't talk to on an everyday basis, but they know I'm there for them 100% (even if they may never need it) and the favor is returned. That's how it should be. I certainly miss those people who know the real me.

What is a Blog?

What is a Blog?

A blog (a blend of the term web log)[1] is a type of website or part of a website. Blogs are usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order. Blog can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.

Most blogs are interactive, allowing visitors to leave comments and even message each other via widgets on the blogs and it is this interactivity that distinguishes them from other static websites.[2]

Many blogs provide commentary or news on a particular subject; others function as more personal online diaries. A typical blog combines text, images, and links to other blogs, Web pages, and other media related to its topic. The ability of readers to leave comments in an interactive format is an important part of many blogs. Most blogs are primarily textual, although some focus on art (Art blog), photographs (photoblog), videos (video blogging), music (MP3 blog), and audio (podcasting). Microblogging is another type of blogging, featuring very short posts.

As of December 2007, blog search engine Technorati was tracking more than 112,000,000 blogs.[3]

------------------------------------------------------------

You are probably wondering why the heck I'm telling the blog-o-sphere what a blog is. I have to because I don't think some people realize exactly they are and what purpose they serve. As you see above, they consist of news sources, personal opinions, and are used also as personal diaries. DING DING! That's what this one qualifies as.

My blog is just that...it's mine. It's my thoughts, it's my views, it's my opinions, it's a window into my life. It's about ME! It's an outlet for expression. Some people choose to express themselves through art, music, etc. I choose to express myself through blogging. I've come across some incredible people whom I will never meet due to blogging. The comments of strangers on my entries have always been encouraging. This isn't my only blog and before I started this one I had my other military related blog in which I was able to connect with some really encouraging military spouses all over the world. I had a ton of comments from people about how my stories of deployment and homecoming and such really helped them and even though I no longer blog there, I still get new comments from people who go back and read that journey. I think that's pretty cool.

The beauty of anything in this life is that we all have choices. Choices to leave, choices to stay. Choices to be happy, choices to not. Isn't that interesting? And the great thing about the WWW is that you can choose to follow my blog and read about my life or not! Although my posts lately haven't been the most uplifting or inspiring, over 2,000 people last month read my blog and I continue to have more people read each day. The beauty of blogging too, is that since it's YOURS, you can moderate it. So, those that desire to go on a manhunt for my blog link, sign up for random user names, JUST to post nasty comments on my blog...you'll have to find something better to do with your time. From here on out, comments will not be posted to my blog without approval.

The funniest part in all of this is that Michael reads my blog. He has the link, he reads it on occasion, and often I show him or we read together. Word for word. Exactly what's on the screen. If I was telling lies or had something to hide...why would I post it for all the world (AND MY HUSBAND) to see freely? I sat last night and read with him the blog entry and all of the comments. He sat and read it word for word himself. So i just find it funny that I'm supposed to be a liar who doesn't tell the truth. Try something else because that one isn't working. If I wanted to get on here and mudsling and drag Michael through the mud, I very easily could. But, I don't. I choose not to post specifics about situations that most people DO NOT know about. The ones that have been documented, but are nobody's business. If people read my blog, they'd see the fact I'm in an unhappy marriage, but they'd also see someone who desperately wishes things would change, that illnesses wouldn't be present, and that hurting on both ends could be erased.

Nobody thinks a divorce is awesome. At one time you loved the person you married and perhaps you still do. Everyone wishes they could change the situation and make it better. That one day you'd wake up and everything would be different. The fact of the matter is that rarely...if ever happens. It's still very difficult to give up hope, to know that you've been commanded to love, honor, obey and NOT divorce. You're always waiting...always for that one time when they walk in the door a different person. I had hoped this situation would be that. I have never once said that it's one persons fault. Any educated person knows there are two sides to every story and it takes two when a couple decides to split. I reminded my mom of that time and time again when my parents' divorced. All the blame could not be put on my father, even though he had an affair and left. She bore some responsibility too. I am no different. I have always said there were things I could have done differently and baggage I brought to the table. And if anyone for one second thinks it's only one person's fault or that one side is the only side...you are foolish.

Anyway, this is the last of the drama I will address. This is MY blog about ME. MY life. Don't like it? Get a life of your own.

Ain't it the truth...

"....and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." John 8:32

The End

Memories

I don't know what it was today, but something triggered my mind back to when I lived in Ocala. For those who don't know where that is, it's about 45 min or so SOUTH of Gainesville (University of Florida) and about an hour and a half NORTH of Orlando, Florida. Anyway, I remember being hmm...about 10 or 11 and living within walking distance from a nursing home. I went to Christian school and we took class field trips once a month and did service work at places around our school. Since the nursing home was so close, we walked there. I connected with a really special lady named Rose, whom I will never forget. She always had smiley face things all over her room...or perhaps it was because I gave them to her. None the less, she was a sweet old spanish lady and I believe her family did come to visit her from time to time, though I never met them. She was in a wheelchair if I remember and could talk and function decently, but one day she had a stroke. I don't remember how I was told, because I was so young. But, I remember coming in to see this sweet lady who could no longer talk to me, but just make grumbles and noises. When I think back to it, it saddens me at this age but back then I don't think it phased me as much. I just continued on to visit her and tried to understand her as best I could. I'm pretty sure my mom even let me walk there on weekends and weekdays when I was out of school. In this day and age it's pretty scary to think about, but back then it was so "safe." I have no idea what became of Rose, well obviously she's in a better place by now but it's amazing what little things you keep with you your entire life.

In other business, Michael just got home from his 6 day stint in the ER. I tried to greet him with lots of love and a big hug and was totally rejected. I feel like every time I try to put the past behind us, TRY to love him, and try to move forward, he just treats me like garbage. I don't know how I'm ever supposed to move on or move forward. Every time we get a chance to start over, a break of some sort, I keep believing that this time things will be different. I know he's in serious pain, they shoved a 10 inch needle down his back before he left, but his attitude just kills everything for me. I was in such a great, happy mood and here we go again. Why? I just don't get it. I am ALL. HE. HAS. Literally. So why does he shove me away and piss me off to the point I have no desire to be with him anymore? I just don't get it.

It's A Great Big World Out...Here.

Anyone notice that you can now check your stats for your Blogger blogs? That was one of the major things I was disappointed with when I stopped using WordPress. Perhaps you've been able to for a while and I just now noticed it. Anyway, just want to take a second to give shouts to all of the awesome people who take a peek into my life everyday. Here's some stats for ya, the different countries really amaze me!

Pageviews today 34

Pageviews yesterday 132

Pageviews last month 2,222

Pageviews all time history 5,239 Page Views by Country United States  466 Netherlands 19 Germany 7 South Korea  7 Canada  6 Philippines  5 United Kingdom  4 Australia  2 Czech Republic 2 Morocco  2