Doing some venting of my own...

First, I have to explain. The military community is extremely tight knit. It is something civilians just don't understand. Our lives are extremely different and some may think they understand, but they don't. You can never understand it until you live it. Through blogs and tweets, spouses connect with one another in various spots all over the world. I've noticed most of my blog visitors come from places where there is a large military presence (USA, Germany, Korea, etc.). We may never meet one another, but the support we receive from this amazing community stretches farther than you can imagine.

In March of 2010, the military blog world froze and our hearts split into a million pieces when we found out that one of our fellow milbloggers (as they are called) lost her husband in Afghanistan. Cpl Jonathan Porto was a newlywed and a new father. He never got to meet his precious baby girl. These are the stories that make me violently angry. I can't understand it. It makes no sense. It's the stuff civilians don't understand and take for granted. It's not just another name on a list or an interruption to your daily news. This is a life. A plan. It's all gone now. It should have never happened. 


I haven't been keeping up with blogs lately, but popped over to hers last night, left a comment, and went about my business. Tonight, I revisited it again, watched his memorial video, and just became so so angry. I literally wanted to smash my computer as totally psycho as that sounds. I just can't stand that someone this young has to go through such a thing.

Please watch...

Cpl. Jonathan D. Porto - "Bringing Him Home" from DiamondFilms on Vimeo.

Porto Tribute Part II from DiamondFilms on Vimeo.

She was blogging about feeling like some of her friends and those around her were treating her like garbage. That she understood it wasn't easy to be friends with a widow, but some of them were taking things to an extreme. She felt walked out on, ignored, and that many didn't hold their promises to care for her and look out for her. Someone commented on this entry about how they always heard her talk about herself and that she couldn't expect others to "drop what they are doing because you're having a difficult time." EXCUSE ME? Pardon me, but what Mrs. P is going through is NOT just a difficult time. That makes it sound like she lost her job or is failing a class. This woman lost her husband for Pete's sake! Secondly, it's her blog and she can write about whatever the heck she wants to. This SO struck a nerve with me as I had someone come on my blog from "M's" circle of crazies and do the very same thing.

I for one cannot fathom with any ounce of my being how she manages to go on after such a horrendous thing. I give her zillions of credit because I honestly don't know if I could do it. I think even now, with all of the bitterness that is "M" and I, if anything happened to him...I'd be devastated. When you love someone and they go away the pain doesn't stop. Mrs. P's life will be forever changed, forever different. She will never be the same. I'm so angry this had to happen to her and though I don't know her I wish I could do something to fix it.  I admire her for her strength and courage to continue to go on. She has every right in this world to be bitter, angry, and also to express herself however she chooses. Her husband sacrificed his life for this country, for YOU. She and her beautiful baby girl did as well. Everyone else's world might keep spinning but they will be forever changed and forever impacted by this loss.

I am in no way comparing my losses to hers, but I can say this struck a chord with me in regards to my divorce and the loss of my baby. It feels like one big blur to me. Like my friends know about it all, but it was a minor speck in the busy that is their lives. I guess being that I'm not near them doesn't help, but a phone call, email, text, etc every now and then asking me how I'm doing would be nice. Especially if you're going to ask me to do something momentous for you and not give something back in return. I've blogged before about just having the lack of a true best friend. Someone I can call, they'll come over, we'll cry, hug it out, and laugh later over a bottle of wine. That kinda friendship doesn't just come around, it takes time. I pray eventually I find that person. In the mean time, I can understand her feelings and it really sucks to feel that way. I think it hurts even more when you're the type of person to bend over backwards to care for those going through hard times and you don't get the same in return.

Anyway, that's my rant for right now. It takes an awful lot of courage to say what you feel and put it out there for everyone, including complete strangers to view and comment on. It takes a lot of courage to just admit things aren't all sunshine and rainbows either. I pray that someday, somehow Mrs. P & baby girl are able to find peace and be surrounded by true people who want nothing but to love them.

If you want to read about her story, visit her at A Little Pink in a World of Camo.