Day 3: Something That You Have to Forgive Yourself For

Day 3: Something that you have to forgive yourself for

Really? Great. What a question. How to answer this?

As I struggle with the ending of my marriage, that's the first and only thing that comes to mind. I still feel like I hold onto the tiny speck of sand in the corner of the room that we could work things out. I know in my heart it's not going to happen, but I guess I'm not ready to completely go there yet. Once I receive the papers in the mail that says I'm 100% officially divorced, I'll start my grieving process over all that I had hoped and dreamed.

I need to forgive myself for just plain doing the "right" thing. Divorce is never "right" in my opinion. It's a sin and something I never ever in my life DREAMED would happen to me and certainly not in this manner. I need to accept that I had to do what I had to do in the moment. I tried to do everything I could with what I had at the time. Gosh, I really wanted to separate. That's the part I can't get over. I had no control over the other persons reception of that though. I need to forgive myself and stop beating myself up over the decision to walk away. I need to accept that this pain is only temporary. I'll always love M and have a place in my heart for him, but it just wasn't going to work. We started off on such a bad note. I'm sad we couldn't overcome some of the issues that were caused by outside sources. That sucks.

I digress.

Anyway, I need to work on forgiving myself for choosing to leave and allow myself to grieve this major loss in my life.